Just Peachy

Random Synaptic Noise

I got a manicure and pedicure at a spa salon the other day. It’s relaxing ‘me time’, rejuvenating. Plus they give you a free bottle of water. After the manicurist was through with my hands she stood up to leave but I wasn’t ready to go yet. “Do y’all do facial waxes?”  Sure, they do waxing, $50 facial waxes, but I was still in that ‘me time’ mode and I’d been thinking about a facial wax. It’s great for your skin, they say. Like getting a dermaplane, which sounds professional. It’s exfoliating. Makes your skin “glow”. Besides I had what is commonly known as ‘peach fuzz’. Just a little. A soft, blond fuzz, all over my face. The more I looked at it the more I realized that while I thought people had been admiring my clear skin tone it was more likely they were thinking “that girl’s face looks…

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A Little Shot of Patriotism

For those of us on vacation for the 4th, happy hour has already started and this is perfect for the holiday celebrations.

Red, White & Blue Stained Glass Jello Shots (for the classy jello shooter)

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Step One – Red and Blue Colors:
2 cups water
2 envelopes unflavored Knox gelatin
1 3oz box red Jello gelatin
1 3oz box blue Jello gelatin
2 cups ice cold vodka

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or rum

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separated into 1 cup divisions.

Pour water into a small saucepan and sprinkle with the Knox gelatin. Let soak a minute or two. Heat over low heat, stirring constantly, until dissolved (about 5 minutes). Pour the flavored Jello into two separate bowls and add half the hot Knox gelatin mixture to each bowl. Still to dissolve and let cool. When cool add vodka and pour into two 9×13″ glass casserole dishes (for uniform size shots) and chill until fully set, several hours.

Step Two – White, Creamy Color:
2 cups water
2 1/2 envelopes unflavored Knox gelatin (1 teaspoon powder = 1/2 envelope)
1/2 of a 14 oz can sweetened condensed milk (you can freeze the rest)

Pour water into medium saucepan and sprinkle with the Knox gelatin. Let soak a minute or two. Heat over low heat, stirring constantly (yea, I know, me too, but it’s worth this boring part, I promise), until dissolved (about 5 minutes). Stir in the condensed milk and set aside to cool to room temperature.

When condensed mixture is cool, take out the red and blue Jellos and cut into small blocks. Carefully mix them into the 9×13″ dishes, evenly distributed

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and pour the condensed mixture over them.

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Skim off any bubbles that form, chill until fully set, several hours or overnight. To serve cut again into small squares and have at it.

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Live Free or Die Smiling.  Happy Independence Day!

No More Jade

A lot of people don’t like gin and I’m one of them. It’s that whole juniper thing; I’m not sure those berries are meant to be eaten, like those red ones on a holly bush that dogs eat.  Still, I felt like I’d been missing out on something, so I googled “the gin to drink if you hate gin” and BAM! …  Hendrick’s gin. Love again at this jaded old martini age. It’s rose and cucumber and just enough juniper that it doesn’t make you spit it out. It’s not exactly meant to be mixed in a cocktail since you’ll lose all the neat subtlety of it’s facets and it’s not cheap, but definitely worthy of a now and then splurge and sunny, hot weather calls for a cold, fizzy drink. Here’s an excellent idea and one that was a favorite of Grace Kelly: GIN FIZZ Pour 2 oz ice-cold Hendricks gin into a rocks glass full of ice Squeeze in half a lemon Fill with cold sparkling water (not club soda) and stir Throw in a slice of lemon for color and……sip. And….sip. images  

No More Jade

A lot of people don’t like gin and I’m one of them. It’s that whole juniper thing; I’m not sure those berries are meant to be eaten, like those red ones on a holly bush that dogs eat.  Still, I felt like I’ve been missing out on something, so I googled “the gin to drink if you hate gin” and BAM! …  Hendrick’s gin. Love again at this jaded old martini age.

It’s rose and cucumber and just enough juniper that it doesn’t make you spit it out. It’s not exactly meant to be mixed in a cocktail since you’ll lose all the neat subtlety of it’s facets and it’s not cheap, but definitely worthy of a now and then splurge and sunny, hot weather calls for a cold, fizzy drink. Here’s an excellent idea and one that was a favorite of Grace Kelly:

GIN FIZZ
Pour 2 oz ice-cold Hendricks gin into a rocks glass full of ice
Squeeze in half a lemon
Fill with cold sparkling water (not club soda) and stir
Throw in a slice of lemon for color and……sip.
And….sip.

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♫ ‘O Sole Mio

I like anything new and different. I’m all about finding a drink that stumps local bartenders when I ask for one. (Actually, that’s not as hard as you might think here in the South, where beer in a lot of places is limited to light; Bud Light, Coors Light, Miller Light.) Anyway, I’ve discovered new and different and it rocks!. Aperol. An Italian liqueur made with bitter oranges and herbs of some sort. It’s low in alcohol, only 11%, meaning you can gulp it in volume. It’s a little bit sweet and a little bit bitter (think a mild Campari without the squashed bugs, ugh) and it makes THE spritz to drink all day long on a sunny weekend out on your patio or at the beach or for lunch or while cooking dinner, doing laundry, in the shower…. You get the idea.

Aperol Spritz
Pour into a big wine glass full of ice:
3 oz Prosecco or Cava (like Lamarca or Freixenet) and
2 oz Aperol
Float 1 oz of Club Soda on top
Throw an orange slice in there if you happen to have one around. Obviously, I didn’t.

Now sit back in the shade and sip.

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The Margarita from Hell

I love Friday’s. Friday’s are cocktail night and tonight it’s Margaritas. And I have the recipe to top any Margarita you care to match it up to. The reason I call this the Margarita from Hell is because they’re so good you don’t want to go to heaven if they don’t serve these there and because they’re hot as hell….or pretty hot, anyway. So, here’s the recipe:

Pour a little Cointreau or triple sec on a plate and dip the rim of your glass in it then dip in kosher salt. Liqueur is sticky and keeps the salt on the rim good. Plus the salty/sweet taste is yummy. Put it in the freezer to chill. Now pour into an empty shaker:

3 oz silver tequila (I use 1800. Tequila is the heart of a margarita and you deserve good tequila, dammit).

2 oz Cointreau OR 3 oz triple sec

1 oz fresh lime juice. (that’s right, fresh. Don’t screw up a great drink with that plastic container crap. You’ll thank me)

A thin slice of an habeñero pepper.(Yep. This is one hellacious margarita, remember? This is what makes the margarita. You can put as little or as much pepper in the drink as you want. But don’t be a wuss. At least give it a try. Don’t forget to wash that pepper really good first, too. You never know where it came from.) This supposedly makes two drinks but you can be the judge of that.

Now add a bunch of ice to the shaker and shake, shake, shake. The making of a drink is half the pleasure of drinking it. Plus, it slows down the gulping you’re gonna do when you taste this, so maybe the neighbors won’t find you lying out in the yard in the morning when they go out to get the paper.  NOT that that’s ever happened to me..you know..just sayin’) I strain mine and pour it into a chilled martini glass but you can serve in a rocks glass over ice, whatever. I just hate to water down a great drink.

AND I shouldn’t have to say this but: Do not drive after one of these or try to talk after two of these and if you order pizza after three or four don’t blame me for what you end up getting on it.

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Cold Blooded-ness, It’s Not Just for Reptiles Anymore

In the jaded world of mental health there is a new cause cé·lè·bre,  Sociopathic Veterinarian-ism.

There are facets in any profession, religion or hobby for which a person may become fanatical.  While an overly sympathetic tendency for stray cats can lead to a condition long known as hoardum, the absence of any sympathy, for cats in particular, is becoming recognized as a disorder of it’s own.  Combine that with a profession that makes the object of antipathy easily available and, well, there you have it, cerebral failure. However, it’s not known exactly why this personality deformity surfaces in a person, and therefore it’s not known how to treat it.

Neurologists have suggested that a virus is present in the brain, disrupting normal function, and research began. However, working with both mice and cats, even in a lab environment, has proven to be so complex that said research is on hold at this time.

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Psychiatrists suggest a malfunction of the brain’s frontal lobes and propose electrical current be run up the nostrils into the olfactory bulbs but sadly this theory can’t be tested for lack of willing patient participation.

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But the most accepted explanation is one offered by renowned personality disorder specialist Gannush Bobolink “Bob” Harummph, author of “Phobias Are Your Friends“, in which he ruminates that the cause dates back to a childhood incident.  According to Dr. “Bob” Harummph, “..this individual may have suffered a rejection by a beloved pet. Perhaps the cat ran away from his or her affections, preferring  a neighbor child or shunned his efforts at attention, such as crossing the street, jumping off roofs, climbing trees, and/or running into traffic at her approach.”  This angst could be exacerbated further by teasing from other children such as “even your cat thinks you’re ugly”.

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Unfortunately we may never know the truth as those suffering from the disorder and their families remain silent on the issue.

Or until one of them writes a book about it.

Zippity Do What?

I told you I had a facial wax, right? Big zip zip zip and now I have to shave every day. Yep. But in addition to that I had an eyebrow waxing.

I had great eyebrows. I’m talking model’s-dream-come-true-perfect kind of eyebrows. Sort of like this,

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without the lips.

Okay, maybe there were a few stray hairs that needed a quick tweeze but I’m busy, you know. So when the wax girl offered to “clean” them up for me I let her do it. Only took a second. Little zip zip zip.  I sat up and looked in the mirror. Oh my god….She gave me Margaret Cho eyebrows. Like this,

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without the cheekbones.

Of course, Margaret Cho is beautiful and would obviously be any oriental salon girl’s eyebrow example but I’m Caucasian. I have big, round eyes. Now I look really surprised all the time. Sort of like this,

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without the nose stud.

So. I’m growing long bangs. Looking into eyebrow transplant procedures. Is there such a thing? Maybe I can set a precedent. In the meantime, at least I know when the grocery clerk is staring it’s not at the day old stubble I’ve got going on.

Just Peachy

I got a manicure and pedicure at a spa salon the other day. It’s relaxing ‘me time’, rejuvenating. Plus they give you a free bottle of water. After the manicurist was through with my hands she stood up to leave but I wasn’t ready to go yet. “Do y’all do facial waxes?”  Sure, they do waxing, $50 facial waxes, but I was still in that ‘me time’ mode and I’d been thinking about a facial wax. It’s great for your skin, they say. Like getting a dermaplane, which sounds professional. It’s exfoliating. Makes your skin “glow”. Besides I had what is commonly known as ‘peach fuzz’. Just a little. A soft, blond fuzz, all over my face. The more I looked at it the more I realized that while I thought people had been admiring my clear skin tone it was more likely they were thinking “that girl’s face looks like a big, fat peach.”

fuzzy-peach

So why not just wax it off? That would be the end of that, right?

The manicurist agreed wholeheartedly. Naturally. She took me to the back of the salon, into a room with a massage table and all the waxing paraphernalia at hand. Kind of like a dentist’s office, actually. But the wax was warm, the lights were low, (translates soothing) and the salon girl seemed capable and zip, zip zip, all the fuzz was gone. I felt my face. It was smooooth! I looked in the mirror. It was sorta red and splotchy but that was sure to sort itself out in a couple of days. I went home and put Aloe Vera gel on it. It was less red the next day. My husband even noticed. “Your face looks smoother”. Yes! No more peach face for me.

Day three, though, it didn’t feel as smooth.  I looked in the mirror, then took a closer look in bright light. Oh my god! Stubble! Tiny, stiff, blond stubble all over my face. The fuzz was gone but I’m growing a beard! I couldn’t believe it!  Apparently you are not supposed to wax facial hair. So now I shave (translates dermaplane).  Every day.

At least it’s smooth.

 

Ailurophilia…the Greeks knew all the good words

Random Synaptic Noise

How many of something does a person have to possess to be classified as a hoarder? I mean, is there a point at which a person has a lot of something but is still considered normal and then suddenly gets one more and bam! just like that, they’re ushered into hoard-um? Personally, I like that idea. Like it’s a case of one good thing leading to another and another and then before you know it you’ve got the remains of suffocated creatures buried in the sofa cushions and the ASPCA is banging on your door. But there’s a thin line between a hoarder and just really, really liking and wanting to have lots and lots of something. Like, for instance….cats. I came very close once to considering myself a hoarder; I acquired nine cats. Of course, not all at once. I’m not that crazy. Over time I worked my way up to a pile of rambunctious, furry, purr-y, meowing, paw-licking, tail-swishing, curtain-shredding…

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